Yesterday as I stood in the shower, thinking about the week ahead, I felt tension entering my shoulders. I looked for some anchor to help me. An image of Sade popped in my head. Bear with me; there’s a history here.
Years ago, I sat in my aunt’s apartment, upset about something I’ve long forgotten. Stronger Than Pride played on the stereo. Song after song played as I cried my heart out in the dark living room. Then this song came on. As I listened to the words, I suddenly stopped crying.
Some will tell you that you’re wrong, that you don’t know the way
They enjoy cheapness, don’t show your weakness
Don’t let them bother you no
They enjoy cheapness, don’t show your weakness
Oh no
It’s no use sitting down, don’t walk ’round with a frown
Oh no keep looking
It’s no use sitting around, with your head in your hands
Oh no keep looking
(Sade, 1988)
In the past thirty-two years, I have returned to this song when I felt the world on my shoulders. So why the return this week? For the past few months, I have been navigating a tense situation. Repeatedly my expertise has been questioned, but this week my intent was questioned. Question my knowledge, and I will invite you to prove me wrong. I am an Aries after all. But to have someone accuse me of acting in bad faith. Whoa!
Now I’m not going to say I told myself to ignore the haters and move forward. While I know how I walk in the world, I know perception is a bitch. So I engaged in some deep self-reflection and acknowledged places where my actions could have landed differently than I expected. The thing is the person said I set out to hurt them. I reflected on every interaction. I thought about the fact that I liked this person and wanted their success. I couldn’t think of anything that could have made them think differently.
In addition to reflecting on my relationship with this person, I reflected on who I was. I rarely harbor ill will towards anyone. If I don’t like you, I don’t engage more than what’s necessary. My baseline is polite. I don’t give my energy to things that don’t feed me. Launch plots against my enemies? Who is worth the investment of time and negative energy? No one is. I don’t have time for revenge. I believe you get what you give. What you put out into the world comes back to you.
After sitting with all of my thoughts, I realized I had to make peace with the situation. Like that situation, when I first heard Sade’s “Keep Looking,” this would be forgotten with time. One could say that maybe I should address the conflict but is resolution possible? At the moment, I don’t think there is. I wish the person well, but I’ve moved on.